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The Unemployed donor PDF Print E-mail
Written by Peter Smith   
Sunday, 15 February 2009 15:23


This is a true story that unfolded during one of my communications classes with a group of wood machinists in the mid 1980s. The young man in question, who was very intelligent, had been out of work for six years at the time. Although the whole episode seemed incredibly funny, the serious matter of young men being forced to sell their manhood to make ends meet was never very far from my mind. The tune is traditional and can be found on Dave Burland's Dalesman's Littany as The Black Cook.


Oh listen to me while I tell you my ditty,
concerning a young man in grave want and need
Whilst attending a course in his home northern city,
he heard of a new way himself for to feed
He’d been out of work for many a long year,
brought down by the system reduced by the state
Like millions of others, his unemployed brothers,
he resolved once in college to tell his sad fate

Like those First World War Tommies who went off to Flanders,
leaving their families and shedding their blood
Once again in a country that’s not fit for heroes,
I’m away into Sheffield to sell my manhood
Oh Christ! said the teacher he’s joining the army,
you’ll be sent out to Belfast for term after term
Oh no said the young man you misunderstand me,
I’m away into Sheffield, I’m selling my sperm

The class stopped from their studies like one in amazement,
dropping their Mirrors, their Sports and their a Suns
As the young man explained how the clinic made payment,
such a handy new income it caused them great fun
Does a nurse do it for you one cried in excitement,
if you do it twice weekly do they double the fee
As the whole conversation sank down to the gutter,
Those with their Suns quickly turned to page three

Now this young man left college in high expectation,
carrying the hopes of his class and his peers
As he entered the clinic and saw the receptionist,
such a pretty young women made him red round the ears
I’ve come here today to make a donation,
that’s kind said the lady how much will you leave
What ever is normal in these circumstances,
the young women smiled and said it’ll be greatly received

Now some folks give plenty, whilst others give little,
he could see she was bored by the look on her face
It usually depends on your circumstances,
just tell me young man how much can you afford?
Oh no said the young man you misunderstand me,
I’ve come here today to donate my sperm
The young lady smiled and she showed him an exit,
over there’s Family Planning this here’s Age Concern

Now this story related it caused great amusement,
as the class tried to make him look like a fool
All taunting and jeering like kids in a nursery,
till the ringleader leaned back and fell off his stool
Just think said the teacher of the money it will earn you,
it’ll pay for you rent whilst doing some good
Oh no said the young man my sperm count was negative,
I’ve no money, no rent and now no manhood

Now the moral of this story is quite explanatious,
you unemployed young men who in Sheffield do lurk
go into your college and improve your learning ,
for it keeps me in songs and it keeps me in work

Last Updated on Wednesday, 18 March 2009 11:01